More than I hoped for

The ride

Today was the day circled on the calendar, so to say, mostly because it had the most climbing. On that point, it delivered. But it exceeded expectations pretty much everywhere else.

The flats

Before doing any climbing (at all), I had a nice 50km or so warm up following the Rhone. The same direction as the day before, but thankfully only a light breeze in my face. And because of that, I could cruise at 28kph while hardly pedaling. Glorious. So cruise I did, enjoying the scenery and waking up my muscles. Off to a good start.

The climbs

Obviously, this is where it gets interesting. I didn‘t really know what I had gotten myself into. I had seen a few highly rated climbs along my route, decided to follow them, but didn‘t research too much further.

First climb was a doozy. Nothing like the 40km abomination that is the Simplon pass, but still, nothing to shake a stick at. 22km long, gaining about 1,350m (averaging 6%). Solid. And so beloved, that they even have signs every kilometer to tell you how steep the next km will be.

(Note: when it says the next km is gonna average 10% and you ride the first 100m at 2%, you know the last 900m is gonna hurt)

The climb was amazing. Started in a kinda forested zone, then climbed through vineyards.

And it just kept going up. Through small villages. Through more forest. And around most corners, you‘d be given a view like this:

(That‘s the pain cave face)

And then, of course, it eventually stops going up, and you get the bomb view of what you‘ve just conquered.

And then (after two delicious sandwiches with some pungent Swiss cheese) it goes downhill!

The descent was also glorious, gently snaking (i.e. no sharp curves which require braking) its way downwards through the valley.

(Question: If a cyclist hoots with glee but no one hears it, does it serve a purpose? I say yes)

The second climb was in a similarly pastoral setting (thus no photos) but thankfully not nearly as long, coming in at a manageable 4.2km at an 8.3% average. Again, no joke, but compared to 22km, let‘s be honest. Child‘s play. I was in such a good mood after the first climb that when I hit the base of the second, I said to myself „Aww yeah, time to get it Jesse.“ Out loud. I talk to myself. Definitely not the weirdest thing about me. But you knew that already.

So climb two (Col du Pillon) ends, and I get a long, lovely descent to recover. Thank god. Climb 3 is where it got realllyyyyy interesting.

The first part of the climb was on roads, probably averaging about 7%. Cool. Then I hit gravel (think forest service road), still around 7%, and I thought, „cool“. Harder, but manageable. I was following a river up through a forest, which at least provided shade and a few small streams to drench myself in (it was pushing 30° again). Then suddenly it spat me out in a little village, and the view behind me was characteristically Swiss and lovely.

And then shit got crazy. First, the road turned straight up the mountain. I couldn‘t take pictures because I didn‘t want to stop and I couldn‘t take a hand off the bars, but it averaged something like 14% for what felt like an eternity but was probably only 2km. The pitches over 17% were particularly brutal. No joke, I was going about 4-5kph. And struggling. Jesus.

Eventually my pride gave out, along with my legs, and I paused to take a photo and send a whatsapp message to a friend (hey Bur) complaining. Single-leg squats. That‘s what we complain about when you pedal a cadence like the 45rpm I was pedaling. Pain. Glorious pain.

So the super steep section ends, and somehow it gets worse. How, I hear you ask. It only flattened out to about 13%, but it became loose gravel. Like, three rocks deep. Like, when you pedal, your back wheel slides. Which at 13% and about 5kph, means you‘re dangerously close to coming to a stand-still and just falling over (I came damn close).

In the end, I made it. Barely. But the adventure wasn‘t over. The end of the climb was a farmer‘s house. And he was there. And as I was wandering around his property like an idiot in my bright red cycling jersey and my spandex, he just smiled and waved. As if it were a normal sight. After another 10km of brutal climbing, I was relieved not to face interrogation.

The descent adventure

Eventually, I found my trail:

(Yes, it‘s that one)

I had to walk through about 50m of cowshit to get there, but I was able to save myself the embarrassment of asking a random Swiss farmer if he could drive me to the nearest road. I‘m pretty sure I wasn‘t meant to be on the path I found, because a short while later, it was closed off with a barbed-wire fence. No way in hell I was turning around though. So I took my packs off, tossed them over, then got my bike over, then crawled face-in-mud (or cowshit) under the fence, and biked through the next private property. Thankfully no angry Swiss farmers here either.

But eventually, I did find a road. And a view into the valley which was my destination:

I was basically there. And a few minutes and a fun descent later, I was. Hallelujah. What a day.