Status update – May 1 is no longer a go

So, this is a post I’ve been putting off for a while. I’ve known/suspected for a month or two that my bike trip – my light at the end of the tunnel, my grand adventure, my opportunity to turn my brain off and catch my mental breath – would need to be postponed or even canceled. Well, yesterday it became somewhat more official. The email from my airline arrived, canceling my flight on May 1st, coincidentally just hours after I had unblocked my work calendar for May and June. What little wind remained in those sails is now gone, and I have accepted the new reality.

There is a silver lining though, as my boss has already offered August and September to compensate for the loss of May and June (with July hopefully being spent in the US as planned). My American optimism, irrational as it may be, feels like this is workable. Whatever it turns out to be is unlikely to fully resemble what I had expected, but at least it should be possible. I haven’t given up hope.

Am I complaining?

Which brings me to the title question: can I complain? Well, of course I can, but at the same time, I can’t really. Yes, I have been looking forward to this for a very long time – I was within scratching distance of the surface, but now I need to hold my breath and keep swimming upwards for a while longer (that’s admittedly a bit of a melodramatic picture). Yes, certainty has turned into uncertainty. Butttttttt….

COVID has changed the world for everyone. I can’t think of a single group of people for whom it has made things better. We’re united in that and in our isolation. But where for many it’s literally a question of life or death, the impact on me personally and the ones I love (as of today, knock on wood), has been minimal. We’re healthy. Financially stable. My job is secure, and I have decent internet and can easily work from home. I work at a company that was even going to let me take 3 months of paid leave. I can still go out and exercise. I live in a country which has its shit together. And and and. The list of my privileges goes on and on. We’re inconvenienced, but my goodness are we well off.

In times like these, it’s easy to focus on the negative. And things are negative. Pretty much everything about this sucks, not least of which for me personally is the inability to go on my trip as planned. But man am I grateful for what I have. I still slide into negative thoughts, and I do complain. It’s natural. But I’m quick to catch and scold myself, because really, my life is f***ing amazing. That I could even take a sabbatical is a privilege on many different levels, so complaining that I have to postpone feels cheap, hollow, quite frankly silly.

So, does this suck? That’s a resounding yes. Am I complaining? No. I have what I need, including the health of my good friends and family. I can’t complain about that.